Posts tagged depression
Posts tagged depression
what i mean when i say “i can’t do that” - the depression edition
- i am unable to do that
- i don’t have the energy to do that
- i cannot wrap my head around what you’re asking me to do
- there is too much in my head right now
- i can not do that
what people hear:
- i am unwilling to do that
- i am being stubborn for no reason
- i am being dramatic
- i am lazy
- i need you to repeat that only louder
- i need a push
- i don’t want to do that
My brain has been flip-flopping all week, depression wise. It’s rather inconvenient. *grump* thought this one might have been brought on by low energy, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Neck and shoulders are a little achy from the long knitting sessions, so that could well be feeding into the negative. It is definitely bed time though, and I’m sure I’ll be in a better mood tomorrow. I’ll have coffee, for starters. Zzzzzzz
The thing about depression is that it either takes away all will to self-motivate and do what makes you feel better, or the things that made you feel better before have no affect on you anymore. That’s what most people forget. I hear all the time you should go meditate, go outside, take up some yoga, go socialize, or you’re not trying hard enough. With the other person not even realizing that if it was that easy, depression would probably not exist.
Today is a much better brain day! Comparatively speaking!
Perhaps because I’ve been playing Mass Effect, and thus forcing a kind of focus, my brain is starting to kick into gear. Sort of. It might switch back off when I stop gaming, but for the moment, a sort of functionality has been achieved. And I’m knitting during cut scenes, so I’m technically working on some of my very short, revised to do list items for the evening.
Guessing I’ll probably be awake late due to the late hour of bed-leaving. We’ll see. Maybe I’ll get some art done tonight.
I was wrong, today is a fail day.
Took me til about 3pm to get out of bed. I’m on my second coffee, but I still kind of want to go lay back down. Feeling a bit zombie-like today. Or maybe some sort of old ghost, who just sort of floats about the house aimlessly, barely cognisant of anything, feeling confronted by mirrors.
ETA: My bro is listening to metal music v. loudly while he cooks dinner. I like this kind of music, but right now it is too much and it is stressing me out.
Ugh, I am awash with feels and depressiony things. I have a suspicion that this is partly a reaction to the re addition of processed sugar to my diet (carbohydrates like bread and pasta aside, I don’t think I use any actual processed cane sugar in my diet at all any more). Hopefully that will settle back down a bit as it filters back out of my system. That I’ve had headaches and neck pain a lot this week certainly isn’t helping. Today was mostly non negative, this is all sort of hit me just as I’m going to bed.
In other news, I heard back from my recruitment agency - no dice on the job I applied for. Dang. But I replaced my broken headset, which is great. And I finally posted the baby blanket I made for my cousin. AND I washed my hair. Finally. So I got some things done today. Along with some scribbling. Feels like I haven’t done art forever, which isn’t true really, but it was a struggle to go back into Photoshop this evening.
Hopefully tomorrow will continue along a productivity theme. Anywho, zzzzzzzz…
help I’m having emotions about a cartoon antidepressant trying to be useful
#how useless the friends of those with depression feel
Today is one of those days where I feel ruined by my life experiences. It will pass, but the present is inconvenient.